eight things you need to know about your partner

Elegant Couple In Love. Rich Tidy Neat Man Male Hugs Luxury Woma
After being married for nearly thirty years, there are a few things I have come to know for certain about relationships…

  1. Your partner is NOT your best friend
    Regardless of the fact that so many people say ‘he or she is my best friend’, that doesn’t have to be the case. Partners and best friends play quite different roles. Trying to make your partner your absolute everything puts too much pressure on one person. You need a best friend for the times when your partner is driving you nuts and you need somebody to download on and empathise with your plight. Let’s face it, partners can be a pain in the ass. There’s nothing better than a non-judgemental bestie who totally loves your partner, yet also ‘gets’ where you’re coming from. Let your partner off the hook and find a best friend who fits the role. They will also be so much more fun to shop with, take to the health spa, and give you a more ‘objective’ opinion on things.
  2. You can keep secrets from your partner
    I hear people say ‘There should be no secrets’. My question is ‘Why not?’ There are some things I totally keep to myself. There are things my partner knows; things my besties know; things that only my counsellor knows; and things that only I know and only I will ever know. There’s nothing wrong with that. You are entitled to keep some things in your own mind for safekeeping and freedom of judgement or ridicule. You are well within your rights to have you own ‘off-limits to the world’ thoughts, dreams, and prayers. Some things are just ‘sacred’ to you and that’s absolutely OK. You don’t have to share every little part of yourself. Some things are just for you and you alone. Keep some precious little bits aside and cherish them. You deserve it.
  3. You can have your own money and independence
    If there’s one thing I’m certain of it’s this – you can only ‘truly’ rely on ‘yourself’. That’s a fact. Other people won’t mean to but they will let you down in one way or another. Let’s face it; they are busy trying to survive themselves. They have their own struggles, challenges, and demons to fight. The only person who truly has ‘your’ best interests at heart is ‘you’. Set yourself up financially so that you know exactly what’s going on. So many people lose a partner and don’t know the first thing about writing a cheque, B-Paying a bill, running a business, or renewing an insurance policy. Being independent is the only sure way to know that your financial future is secure. If you do share things with your partner, know exactly how it all works.
  4. You don’t have to do EVERYTHING TOGETHER
    There is nothing more unattractive than ‘neediness’. People who are demanding and needy are referred to as ‘hand-brakes’. They are the fun police, in charge of making sure nothing goes on without their full approval and participation. Find your own fun outside of your relationship. Get a sport fired up or a hobby under your belt. There is nothing more appealing than someone who has a life of their own, runs their own show and has plenty to talk about and report in on. If you do ‘everything together’, you already have the run down on all the details and events that took place. It’s much more fun to bounce in the door full of excitement ready to share the mind-blowing episode that just took place in your life with your awaiting partner.
  5. You can be attracted to other people
    If your head doesn’t turn to the side from time to time, there is something not quite right. It is natural to be attracted to people of the same and opposite sex. It doesn’t mean you want to jump their bones; it just means that you find something about them appealing. It might be a look or style that you want to implement yourself. It could also be that they are exceedingly hot and totally perve worthy. I always remember the saying ‘It doesn’t matter where you get your appetite, so long as you dine at home’. I always dine at home but from time to time I do see some yummy specimens out there in the big wide world. Even the odd little flirt from time to time does no harm. So long as you are conscious and aware of what you are doing and have some snug fit boundaries around how far you’ll go. Innocence and transparency is key.
  6. Your partner does not MAKE you HAPPY
    It is nobody’s job to make you happy. Happiness is your job – 100%. Happiness comes from within. It is created and generated inside of you. The minute you start looking for happiness from outside sources, namely partners, you are barking up the wrong tree. Happiness comes from being grateful for what you have, finding passion in what you do, and fulfilling yourself by following your heart and dreams. You get to read the script that is written on your heart and it is your responsibility to act out the role that your life script instructs. You have your own intrinsic purpose for being here and following that purpose is the source of your soul felt happiness. No partner, friend, neighbour, pet, or explosive one-night-stand can give you that. They can ‘add’ to your happiness, but they can’t create it. Don’t expect them to.
  7. Your partner does not need to COMPLETE you
    I cringe when I hear the words ‘You complete me’. To me that sounds so needy and dis-empowering. You need to be ‘complete’ all by yourself. When you are ‘complete’, you are ready for a partner. In-complete people are looking for a part in a jigsaw puzzle. Put all your pieces together and present your full self to somebody else. They can then present their full self to you and together you can ‘compliment’ each other. Complimenting is so much better than completing. There is nothing more powerful than knowing that you have everything you need and want within your ‘self’. Having a partner is like icing your life with rich, sweet, chocolate frosting. It adds to the whole presentation but it’s not the cake. You are the cake. You supply the ingredients and follow the perfect recipe. Don’t make your partner an ingredient. You can still be a cake without frosting but you can’t hold together without flour and eggs.
  8. You don’t have to think about your partner ‘every-time’ during SEX
    There are times when you’re totally connected to your partner, you’ve spent quality time together, and you feel close, understood, heard, and appreciated. At these times, sex can be incredibly intimate and loving. At other times, it can be mechanical, ‘other-person’ pleasing, and even a ‘chore’. It’s common to feel the highs and lows of an on-going sex life with one partner. I have no judgement over what people do to spice up their sex life provided nobody gets hurt, animals are NOT involved, and all agreements are mutual – LOL. I do know that some people fantasise while having sex with their partner. One woman told me that she ‘pretends’ her neighbour has come into her house and is seducing her instead of her partner who is making love to her. She’s not even attracted to this neighbour but there is something about him that she finds mysterious and that creates a bit of light relief during those ‘mechanical’ times. It is far better to allow your imagination to be ‘unfaithful’ than your physical self. Who hasn’t had a weird dream where you make love to somebody totally random? If it’s in your sub-conscious mind, it doesn’t take much to move over to the conscious.

open up to it

Pink Trumpet Tree Row With Mist In Sunrise Time / Pink Trumpet W

Do you feel the need to control everything and everyone in your life? Do you move forward full of fear and apprehension? Do you hear yourself asking – What if I get hurt? What if I don’t make it? What if I fail? Do you spend time questioning, doubting, and anticipating the worst? If you do, you are not alone. It is human nature to fear the ‘unknown’. Unless of course, you have a ‘higher power’ or a ‘divine manager’ who takes over when the going gets tough.

MY ADVICE – Develop a ‘stronger’ sense of ‘connection’ with the Universe…

People are fantastic at having faith after the fact. Once everything is ok. When they can finally ‘see’ the results or after they arrive at an outcome. This is not having faith. This is requiring proof first and then having faith second.

YOU NEED TO HAVE FAITH FIRST, THEN THE UNIVERSE TAKES CARE OF EVERYTHING – IN WAYS YOU COULD NEVER IMAGINE. It does not happen the other way around.

Here is an analogy for you…
You desperately need a vino with your bestie. You’ve picked your alehouse and you know the directions you will take to get there. Anything can happen along the way but you don’t think about that. You simply chuck on some heels and head out expecting to arrive in ‘X’ amount of time.

As you travel along familiar or unfamiliar streets, you have ‘faith’ in knowing that you will arrive at your destination. You can’t ‘see’ your destination however you have ‘faith’ that you are heading there. You might be following a map or listening to your GPS system. This is what ‘faith’ looks like.

The next time you experience a problem to deal with or an unexpected obstacle, try sending out a ‘thought’ for a ‘higher power’ to take over. Surrender it and see what happens. Every time I do this, something fabulous occurs. The Universe does some amazing shit and everything seems to just ‘work out’. Half the time I haven’t got the slightest clue what even happened.

Having faith and surrendering a situation, person, event, or conflict, allows for miracles to take place and the eventual outcome is always far better than that which you could ‘control’ yourself. This is particularly helpful for situations you can’t find your own solution to. Or one of those damned if I do and damned if I don’t scenarios. When you just don’t know which way to turn, simply say, “Universe, take over, I’m getting the fuck outta here!” You’ll be surprised how good it feels and how amazing the conclusions will be.

Try it. It really works… But only if you have ‘faith’.

how are you travelling?

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“Everyone wants to reach a particular destination, but all the joy and growth occurs while you’re journeying toward It.” – Noni Boon

Life is a journey, not a destination. I have spoken to so many people who say ‘I’ll be happy when…” The secret to life is – be happy NOW. Every attainable item, every achievement and accomplishment eventually looses its gloss. Once you acquire it, the challenge no longer exists. What gives your life meaning is actually having challenges, desires, hopes, and dreams. Without this driving focus, life becomes hollow and meaningless.

My advice is this. Enjoy the journey for what it is. The journey provides the mystery, the intrigue, and the excitement. Once you reach the destination, sure it is fabulous. You will breathe a sigh of relief and feel a great sense of achievement wash over you but then it will be that and only that for the rest of time. Once you are there, you are there and the next thing to happen is for it to dissipate allowing space for the next challenge to appear.

Celebrate your success and more importantly, ‘cherish’ the road with all its bumps and curves that lead you to yet another milestone in your life.

With love,

Noni Boon

my husband called me a ‘b’ grader

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The other day, my adult son asked my husband and I for some relationship advice. We were perched up in bed drinking our morning coffee when my son came into the room and asked, “How important is physical attraction in a relationship?” My husband replied “Son, you are better off going for a ‘B grader’ like (Pointing hesitantly in my direction) rather than aiming for a ‘high maintenance’ super model who can’t eat this, won’t touch that, and wouldn’t dare get her hands dirty or have the capacity to ram a shovel into the earth and pull off a hard day’s work.”

Perhaps in that moment I should have been offended but I wasn’t. Being called a ‘B grader’ was actually a compliment. What my husband meant was that I am approachable, down to earth, and not afraid to roll up my sleeves and get down and dirty. I know that I was not born looking like Miranda Kerr nor was I given the life of a princess. I am a physically strong woman with definite features, a strong will and free thinking mind. I am not prissy and I repel the ‘damsel in distress’ archetype. I am happy being a B grader however I make sure that I am the best possible B grader I can be.

Being ‘exceptionally average’ means making the most of the assets you possess. You have something uniquely beautiful and exquisite about you. It may be your smile, your sparkling eyes, your shapely legs or the colour of your skin. Whatever it is that you ‘like’ about yourself, do your best to enhance it and flaunt it. Once you have nailed the physical aspect of being exceptionally average, it is time to work on the internal aspect. This is all about your ‘attitude’. Firstly, you need to ‘believe’ that you are exceptional. Before you can ‘conceive it’, you have to ‘believe it’. It all starts with your thinking.

The difference between being a B- or a B+ comes down to how well you can tame your inner critic. There is always going to be a voice in your head that says ‘You’re not that great.’ ‘Who do you think you are to be doing that?’ This is your cautionary voice and also your saboteur. If you actively listen to and obey this voice, you will be paralysed by fear and never reach your potential. The trick here is to allow that voice to pass through your mind. Resisting it or scolding yourself is useless. The shadow side of your ego will never go away however you can learn to manage it.

The more you empower yourself by listening to your inner groupie, the part of you that encourages you and spurs you on, the more exceptional you will become. When you doubt yourself, look to the voice that says ‘Come on, you can do this.’ What is the worst that can happen? Even if you make a fool of yourself, it will be forgotten in 24 hours giving way for the next person to take the stand. Don’t concern yourself with what other people think of you. Believing in yourself is a choice. Take the first step and do something exceptionally average. Take a risk and when that risk pays off, you will be well on the way to taking another and another.

Noni Boon

what even is life? and how is it supposed to feel?

blog_sixWhen I meditated on this question, here’s the answer that showed up. ‘Life is the full expression of energy. Life gives form to all particles in existence. There is no good or bad, there just is. Mortal life can be destroyed whereas soul life is eternal and indestructible. Because you are mortal, you have judgement about life. You look around and determine what is good and what is bad’. That makes sense but if you watch the evening news, chances are you will find a lot that you consider ‘bad’. How do you get back to feeling good and coming to peace with this earth existence? Surely there is some powerful force out there judging this whole charade and desperately hoping that well all get our act together. If there is a God, then why does all this bad stuff happen? Doesn’t God judge us and grade us according to how we live our life? Thinking about all of this is enough to drive you crazy. Perhaps if you can come to terms with the next paragraph, you might find a deeper meaning in this whole thing called ‘life’.

Life has no judgement. Energy fills matter, regardless of whether it is perceived to be good or bad, and life evolves through the process. Human beings, guided and directed by ego energy determine what happens in life. The ego is wilful and like a small child constantly calls for attention. Humans gradually become awake to this as they feel the frustration of not being able to meet the ego’s needs. They eventually ‘discipline’ the ego with soul guidance and perseverance. The ego quietens and becomes calm as the human aligns more with love and divinity. Your soul is always calling you, beckoning you to connect. Being disconnected from your soul is like depriving your human body of oxygen. The soul gasps for connection. Without connection, the human body experiences illness and eventually mortal death. The purpose of life is to express your soul through your human form while quietening your ego and connecting with love. The more you connect with love, the more your world, your existence, attunes with freedom and enthusiasm.

So that’s it. Connect with your soul and express it through you with love rather than giving your ego all of your attention; stop judging life, and quieten the ego. Simple? Not really but in my next blog, I’ll share a few tips.

Noni Boon

fake it till you make it baby

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I still remember my first year as a graphic designer. My portfolio consisted of TAFE projects. I was a top student at Enmore Design Centre and I possessed everything I needed except for confidence and experience. I had no choice. If I was going to get to where I needed to go, I had to fake it till I made it.

I went door knocking showing my work to potential clients. My first client didn’t need to know that I had not yet been ‘paid’ to create. I had the skills, I had the talent, I knew how; I just didn’t have the track record to lean on and feel secure in my work.

I took on my first project. It was an $8,000 brochure. This was back when designers were paid seriously well. I had invested $30,000 in equipment. This was back when computers and software cost the earth. I completed that project and my client was more than satisfied. Sure, I made some silly mistakes along the way, all at my own expense of course.

I still remember the feeling I had when I took out one TAFE project and replaced it with that first brochure in my portfolio. I no longer had to fake it. I was now a paid professional albeit very green. For me, ‘keen’ outweighed ‘green’. I had the passion of a thousand lovers for what I did and that held me in good stead.

You can’t start at the top. You have to begin with your first step and that can be a scary move. You have to stand on the first rung of a ladder to know that it will hold your weight and then you begin to climb. Trust that first rung and begin the ascent to meet your passion. When you eventually step onto the roof, you will surely enjoy the view.

why you need BALANCE

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GRATEFUL TO BE A WOMAN IN BALANCE

Why am I in balance? I consciously and self-caringly create my life to be this way. When I was younger, I didn’t have as much balance. Weekends were taken up renovating houses and chasing financial success. From what I observe, our twenties, thirties, and forties are all about getting ahead and preparing for retirement. The scales lean heavily toward work, work, and more work. Both men and women are stretched due to the changing roles and the combining of duties. Housework is no longer ‘women’s work’. Men are expected to chip in and lend a hand. This makes men more stretched. Women work both in and out of the house. This makes women more stretched. There is more reason than ever before to balance work with fun. At forty-five, I have finally got it just right.

I am a working mum so life has its demands. I have learnt to make a little go a long way. I take at least one hour for myself every day of the week. This hour is very precious to me. I either go for a run, which includes a 10-minute meditation at the half waypoint. Let me explain, I run into the bush, sit on a rock and close my eyes in nature for ten minutes before running the second leg back home. Or, I ride my horse. The hour spent on my horse completely feeds my soul. I have come to realise that if I get that hour for myself, I can deal with anything. When I go running, I process my ‘head stuff’, work out my next set of goals, plan my day, deal with any unfinished business, and generally just ‘blow off steam’. After my run, I can deal with the onslaught of “Mum, (fill in the blanks).”

Even if it means getting up an hour earlier or going to bed an hour later at night, you need an hour a day of ‘me time’. If you really want balance in your life, you have to create it. Nobody, and I mean nobody is ever going to come up to you and organise your life, making sure you eat well, exercise, nurture and pamper yourself. If you don’t do this for yourself, it is not going to happen. Be assertive about it; demand it if you have to, but make it happen. Schedule it in your diary. Block out one hour a day and then decide what to do with it. Start with what makes you happy and what feeds your soul. Being fit makes me happy, so running is a no-brainer for me. Riding my horse feeds into my spirit and re-charges my energy; therefore, riding is a must. Without these two ‘me items’, I would not be a happy balanced woman. I would be a cranky, resentful witch. I’m not even joking.

Give to yourself. You deserve it. You are a woman needing balance.